A nurturing figure in our lives a mother. But, when the most supportive person in the world becomes the adversary to her child, it becomes confusing and guilt-ridden. Here's the revelation of 10 common signs that indicate you might be dealing with a narcissistic mother and how this behavior can influence you. Knowing these signs can help you evaluate your situation and move toward healing


1. She Tries To Consider You an Extension of Herself

In narcissistic mothers, the sense of self and the child is somehow merged rather than separated. This leads to controlling behaviors since your choices are decided by her preferences. She wanted to get into that school, but she didn't; thus, she pressured you to get into it for her.

2. She Is Critical Over

Not all critical people are narcissists, but all narcissists are critical. They may criticize others, even you, to position themselves above you. Such criticism can be overt or even passive-aggressive. Whatever criticism comes her way is answered with toxic and defensive reactions.

3. She Has Toxic Reactions

Normal, occasional overreactions are a given, but narcissistic mothers keep up a pattern of toxic, reactive behavior. If you challenge her or address issues, she may respond with defensiveness, stonewalling, or victimhood at all costs so that she can't be held accountable.

4. She Lacks Actual Empathy

Narcissistic mothers can say sweet words, pretend to care, and claim to be concerned, but when situations become inconvenient or threaten her image, all that fake talk and pretense will come crumbling down. She will even shift the blame to you, making your struggles seem paltry in comparison.

5. She Disregards Your Boundaries

For a narcissistic mother, boundaries are personal insults. She might override your preferences, share your personal information, or guilt you into compliance with phrases like, "I'm your mother, you owe me." This behavior often leaves you feeling ashamed or like a bad person for asserting yourself.

6. She Wears a Public Mask

The narcissistic mother usually wears masks in public, being sweet and caring on the outside but displaying nasty behavior behind closed doors. You always go confused when others appreciate her as you know what she does behind close doors does not tally with what she presents to the world.

7. She Believes Others Are Jealous of Her

A narcissistic mother may not achieve long-term relationships. If a relationship breaks off, she may turn the reason behind its failure as jealousy rather than thinking about herself. The egotistical nature guards this self-image and transfers the blame.

8. She feels entitled and grandiose

The mother can be narcissistic and thus often entitled. Entitlement may occur as flagrant or subtle arrogance. Flagrant behaviors may be braggart or attention-seeking displays; covert behaviors are presented through subtle, hidden communications of her belief that she is better than others.

9. She distorts reality.

One of the most common tactics a narcissistic mother will use is gaslighting. They might deny things, rename history, or brand you "too sensitive" when you bring up the issues. This manipulation prevents healthy communication and reinforces their control over the narrative.

10. She Displays Contemptuous Facial Gestures

Though not much studied, many believe that narcissistic mothers have specific facial expressions showing contempt, such as rolling eyes, smirking, or fluttering eyelids. These convey subtle disapproval or superiority.

11. She Plays the Victim

A narcissistic mother will often put herself as a victim, as a tactic to garner sympathy to be able to replace responsibility, and to win at the game of winning. This is achieved as she speaks of what she did to you but then more explain her own predicament than something that was actually known, or that you were just being cruel by diverting one's attention. It leaves hardly any scope for the settlement of anything constructively. It will make you feel guilty about anything you have ever said that you wanted to.

12. She Compares You to Others

A narcissistic mother may take pride in your achievements as an attack on her ego. It may be a subtle or overt competition in which she belittles your achievements, boasts about hers, or even emulates your decisions to outshine you. Such a toxic dynamic will rule out any genuine support and validation.

13. She Can't Handle Your Independence

A narcissistic mother will react with anger, guilt-tripping, or increased control when the daughter starts to try to express her independence by making her own decisions, moving away, or trying to set boundaries. To her, autonomy is a rejection of authority, and she will try everything in her power to bring her daughter back down to help restore her confidence in getting through life under her care.

Final Thoughts

These signs in your mother are hard to recognize and very emotionally draining, but they are a step to understanding and healing. The behavior of a narcissistic mother is always based on unresolved issues of her own, but this does not excuse the harm it causes. If any of these symptoms ring a bell with you, know that help is there and there is someone who understands. Seek therapy, faith support, or a community you trust for that matter. Moving forward in setting boundaries, deepening self-love, and caring for your well-being will finally free you from the toxic dynamics and lead you towards a healthier and highly fulfilling life. Healing is a process, and this begins with a sense of knowing. If you are ready to do the next right thing, learn about courses or quizzes that might help you make sense of yourself and move beyond growing up with a narcissistic mother. Growing up with a narcissistic mother can lead to long-term emotional struggles, such as people-pleasing tendencies, difficulty asserting boundaries, and a deep sense of guilt. If you’ve recognized these signs in your relationship with your mother, it’s important to seek support and healing. If you want to start healing, then there are courses like the "Toxic Mother Survival Course" or the "How to Heal from a Toxic Mother" course that offers faith-based advice on how to overcome these experiences. Identifying patterns such as people-pleasing behaviors can be a good starting point. Taking a free quiz to understand how much these experiences have impacted you can be a great step forward. The first step toward a healthy, fulfilling life is knowing these signs of healing. Healing is possible.